dr. yoco raw and ragged

It’s been a long time since I’ve handwritten in a journal on a regular basis.  Even now it feels too slow but if I type inevitably I’ll head down a rabbit trail.

So, why now?  I need content for my various businesses on two social media platforms. That, plus I use to enjoy this. It would force me to slow down. I could write God’s voice that often bounces around in my head.

The answers may lie in my frustrations.  The answers to what? The answer to everything – my self-sabotaging or slow-playing my business.  My daily, hourly, minute-to-minute grumblings at my children.  My disgust with the state of my marriage.  Life on a daily basis is tedious. Gotta find my joy in the journey.

The last time I was happy was…was…I don’t really remember.  Moments of happiness come with anticipation of freedom.  Sometimes the actual experience is lack-luster like today.  It’s my first day of 2018 Spring Break.  I thought I was free and that planned events were well-placed. Yet, I’ve been running since I woke my kids up…or maybe since I started combing my daughter’s hair this morning.

At that point each task became something to push through until I could get to the desired point…which I think is right now.  Sitting in the Toyota Dealership, while they care for my car, free of charge (well at least not a charge today).  I was told it would take 2 hours but I’m not pressed. Why?

My next scheduled activity is picking up the kids at 5:00 pm.  So, I have time. I can listen but I don’t have to engage.  Decisions were made before today.  My part is done.  How do I make that happen on the regular?  Plan but do nothing on the day of, where on the day of all I have to do is observe.

Perhaps, happiness comes when I grind alone, privately but publicly engage based on my energy level

God what say you

“Keep searching. Trust the process. I will never leave you nor forsake you” -GOD

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