It’s been a long time since I’ve handwritten in a journal on a regular basis. Even now it feels too slow but if I type inevitably I’ll head down a rabbit trail.
So, why now? I need content for my various businesses on two social media platforms. That, plus I use to enjoy this. It would force me to slow down. I could write God’s voice that often bounces around in my head.
The answers may lie in my frustrations. The answers to what? The answer to everything – my self-sabotaging or slow-playing my business. My daily, hourly, minute-to-minute grumblings at my children. My disgust with the state of my marriage. Life on a daily basis is tedious. Gotta find my joy in the journey.
The last time I was happy was…was…I don’t really remember. Moments of happiness come with anticipation of freedom. Sometimes the actual experience is lack-luster like today. It’s my first day of 2018 Spring Break. I thought I was free and that planned events were well-placed. Yet, I’ve been running since I woke my kids up…or maybe since I started combing my daughter’s hair this morning.
At that point each task became something to push through until I could get to the desired point…which I think is right now. Sitting in the Toyota Dealership, while they care for my car, free of charge (well at least not a charge today). I was told it would take 2 hours but I’m not pressed. Why?
My next scheduled activity is picking up the kids at 5:00 pm. So, I have time. I can listen but I don’t have to engage. Decisions were made before today. My part is done. How do I make that happen on the regular? Plan but do nothing on the day of, where on the day of all I have to do is observe.
Perhaps, happiness comes when I grind alone, privately but publicly engage based on my energy level
…
God what say you
“Keep searching. Trust the process. I will never leave you nor forsake you” -GOD
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