Joy – Make Moves Not Excuses

Going on the Offense

This week has been great. There were definite challenges and set backs. Overall, it has been great. This is saying a lot since Sunday started and ended with overwhelming emotions and the need to cry.

My Bigmama died in July 2017. We moved next door to her when I was 3 years old. So, she has always been a presence in my life. I was not prepared for Mother’s Day without her. In typical fashion, I looked at my circle and tried to determine who would need me and how I could help. Turns out, it was me, myself, and I.

The day ended and started the same. At church in the morning, a hug and a prayer from a friend who noticed I was “yet holding on” sent me to the bathroom to cry. At the end of the day after a brief trip to Bigmams’s grave site, I found myself in the bathroom crying, regrouped, and then in my hubby’s arms sobbing. I mean body-moving sobs. This is not me. I pride myself on being aware of my emotions but controlling them.

As a result of Sunday and last week, I realized I needed to tweak my ‘Rise and Grind’ (NOTE: Check Out Daymond John aka thesharkdaymond for more info on this idea). Here’s my new Rise and Grind

4:30 AM Do not hit snooze. Get out of bed
4:40 AM 15 minutes of guided mediation. I use the Headspace App by Andy Puddicombe
5:00 AM – 6:30 AM My business – content, review and update calendar, research, etc.
6:30 AM – 7:30 AM Get my two littles up, fed, and to school
7:45 AM – 8:30 AM Go on the Offense. THIS HAS MADE THE DIFFERENCE!

For me ‘Go on the Offense’ means, I attack whatever maybe preparing to harm or hinder me or my family this day. I do this by turning up the worship music or listening to scriptures as soon as I drop the kids off and praying constantly. I pray as I drive and as I exercise. I am easily distracted so I often have to bring my mind back to praying. In this season, I recognize my distracted thinking quicker. I attribute this to the practice of guided meditation which I started in Dec 2017.

What has going on the offense done for me. It has changed my approach and my emotions when I am in situations or not following the plan. In the past, this could send me to reflect and if I could not reflect I would stop being present which means I would withdraw. This is not always good. It is more akin to a deer in headlights. I still have no control over how or when my “Ruths”, my widows, or my orphans will need me. This week, at least, it has been less disconcerting and less draining when their needs interrupt the plan. I’ve been more present which makes it more enjoyable to serve.

Joy?

For the past two mornings, I woke with answers to questions that plagued me the day before. Both times I knew instantly that I should write them down or capture them in my phone. But I did not do it. So, now I’m feeling restless because I failed to record the answer for my peace. Disobedience to my own standards and for my own well-being is frustrating.

*************

<silence> – GOD

Ugh! 😦

Bleh

So, the plan is to meditate, reflect, and journal at the beginning of the day. It’s now the end of my day and I have yet to do any of that stuff. Well, maybe I did it in small doses. The reality is I spent too much time on my couch vegging on “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and I could have done something. I just didn’t. I started to write, to work on the real estate deals, to make the calls, and then I just didn’t. I don’t know why. I blame it on computer glitches but that’s just an excuse

It wasn’t a bad day. By bad, I mean, I wasn’t gloomy, sad, or lethargic. I just didn’t want to do any of it. I went to the dentist. I went to a coffee house. I watched TV. That’s about it in a nutshell. My one accomplishment is finishing cleaning the linen for the vacation rental. And I did write a blog post for the business, Exponential Growth Capital, expgrowthcapital.com.

Gotta define my process so that I can stick to it. It’s easier to follow a habit when I’m in the “funk” then it is to make good decisions.

“Trust the process” – GOD

dr. yoco It’s about growth

My happiness

I am happy when I focus on personal growth. I get distracted and frustrated when I focus on the end results. The end results never seem to come fast enough. They always needed to be done yesterday. Sometime the urgency is for very important reasons. For example, time to spend with my son and daughter, money to take vacations and for new experiences, or just the opportunity to sit back and do nothing.

Although these all seem important the fact is that the good comes during the process. The end result or goal is just the reward for committing and completing the process. So, in this season I’m determined to focus on the process, on enjoying the journey. Yesterday, this meant reminding myself to enjoy the drive to drop and pick up my children, to enjoy the moments of silence as my 90-year old grandmother collected her thoughts, and to enjoy the mundane acts of collecting documents for taxes.

My life is great. My hubby and I will celebrate 18 years this year. We have two amazing children and a host of friends. Our jobs enable us to create a lifestyle that works for us. I am content in that. As long as I can remember to focus on the process then I can be content where we are and also focus on the next level.

…

Forgot to ask him again. I promise I’ll get better at this. God are you there? I ultimately just want my life to be a reflection of you. Remind me. Let me know if I’m in your presence.

” <silence> ” – God

dr. yoco raw and ragged

It’s been a long time since I’ve handwritten in a journal on a regular basis. Even now it feels too slow but if I type inevitably I’ll head down a rabbit trail.

So, why now? I need content for my various businesses on two social media platforms. That, plus I use to enjoy this. It would force me to slow down. I could write God’s voice that often bounces around in my head.

The answers may lie in my frustrations. The answers to what? The answer to everything – my self-sabotaging or slow-playing my business. My daily, hourly, minute-to-minute grumblings at my children. My disgust with the state of my marriage. Life on a daily basis is tedious. Gotta find my joy in the journey.

The last time I was happy was…was…I don’t really remember. Moments of happiness come with anticipation of freedom. Sometimes the actual experience is lack-luster like today. It’s my first day of 2018 Spring Break. I thought I was free and that planned events were well-placed. Yet, I’ve been running since I woke my kids up…or maybe since I started combing my daughter’s hair this morning.

At that point each task became something to push through until I could get to the desired point…which I think is right now. Sitting in the Toyota Dealership, while they care for my car, free of charge (well at least not a charge today). I was told it would take 2 hours but I’m not pressed. Why?

My next scheduled activity is picking up the kids at 5:00 pm. So, I have time. I can listen but I don’t have to engage. Decisions were made before today. My part is done. How do I make that happen on the regular? Plan but do nothing on the day of, where on the day of all I have to do is observe.

Perhaps, happiness comes when I grind alone, privately but publicly engage based on my energy level

…

God what say you

“Keep searching. Trust the process. I will never leave you nor forsake you” -GOD