Is it suppose to be this uncomfortable?

I’m 10 days in to this journey of walking on water. Yesterday started on a high, ended on a low, and then there were all the emotions in between.

There are some inherent challenges to being an introvert running my own business. I can’t go hide in the bathroom (note: Hiding in the Bathroom by M. Aarons-Mele is a great book) and I’m not wired to be out front all the time. This means that everyday I need time to recuperate, reconnect, and recharge.

Up until actual quitting my W2, I thought having my own business would naturally facilitate having more control of my time and thus I would naturally have time to recharge. This is sooo not true. Having my own business, means I can’t blame my supervisor, company culture, or unexpected interruptions for not controlling my time. Having my own business, brought me face-to-face with my lack of priorities, defined processes, and need to please people.

So, yesterday I woke knowing that I was worth dying for. That revelation made every action, every decision, every mundane tasks more enjoyable and more pleasing. That lasted until I encountered another person. Let me remind you I have two kids so it didn’t last long.

Each time I encountered someone else needs I was challenged by the revelation that although I was suppose to do whatever, I really didn’t want to. I did what I was suppose to do like cooked breakfast, mediated the constant arguing, listened to a story that was obviously a lie, etc. The none fun stuff about being a mother and I’m glad I did. My kids are better for it. But I did not have control over my time or when they would need me.

Luckily, the commute is my designated time to recharge. So, by the time I arrived at my client’s office I was back to my euphoria. Throughout the day it was the same reaction with different people. Unfortunately, I did not plan or schedule my recharge time. By the end of the day, I was depleted and not interested in the bed time routine, not able to rest because I wasn’t sure I could handle running my own business, and guilt-ridden for the decision I made 10 days ago.

Thankfully, I serve a GOD who answers pray when you ask and when you listen. So, at midnight I was up trolling Facebook for new clients. I went to sleep unhappy with the potential clients but glad to have a plan. By 5 AM, he had given me the answer. Actually my Pastor, Adam McCain at Church on the Hill, told me the answer this past Sunday. It all clicked at 5 AM. GOD will send me the clients I am supposed to connect with – my Shani’s, my Lynn’s, my Ben’s. Those people I love to serve. My business is to serve in the groups he sends me to. He’ll take care of the rest.

[Photo by Bert Knot, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/%5D